Thursday, June 24, 2010

Debunking the Myths #1

I've heard for the last time (without responding)"I'd adopt an orphan, but..." Last week, I heard one of the more common "buts", and I finally responded. So for those of you who are reading and use this phrase, this serves as my disclaimer and warning, you just might be challenged or offended. The occurrence:

Said person, we shall call "Kelly", bumps into us in line. "Oh, what a cute child. Is he yours? I mean where did you get him?" Innocent question.  Information seeker.  Our baby does look different than us.  The question makes sense, so I assured Kelly he is my son and that I got him from the arms of a loving mother, who despite her best efforts and desire was unable to parent. "OHHHH!" She says, "I see. Was it one of those situations?"

"Don't know," I'm thinking, "I don't know what one of those situations would be." So I stand with an inquisitive look staring back at her waiting for her to elaborate.

"I mean, what's his story? Was it bad. I guess his mom and dad are dead or just didn't want him."

"Oh no, Kelly, we are his mom and dad. We do want him. In fact, we fought a 2 year, uphill battle to make our son part of our family. The woman, who happened to carry him in her womb, is alive. She was unable to parent. We don't openly share his story." I wanted to explain to her that's the equivalent of me showing your birth video on my blog...but no, that's not the sentiment I wanted to leave her.

"Well, we've always considered adoption. We would adopt, but I have a problem buying a baby. I mean how much did you spend when you got yours?"

Ever so kindly, I looked at Kelly and responded, "Interesting. I didn't realize OB/GYNS, clinics, labs, hospitals, and insurance agencies were comping the price of births. My insurance costs us $1500/month, my ultrasounds were $450 each, my birth was $8000, and my last son's NICU stay ran about $20,000. This doesn't include the price of an epidural or a cesarean if it is needed. Last time I checked, all of the women in America buy their babies in one way or another.  We chose to buy ours through the gift of adoption; you chose to buy yours through a system of medical staffing, hospitals, and insurance.  I'm sure in the end there is no difference."

Kelly moved away in line. I wasn't sad. Sorry, Kelly.  My son came to me by the same kind of love that brought your children to you. Another woman may have carried him in her womb, but he was intended for my family by an omnipotent creator before the foundations of the earth.  I believe Kelly needed a reason to take a step away from being different. She didn't want the disturbance that comes with going against the status quo. She doesn't want adoption to be a measure by which God stretches her faith. Kelly, a valid excuse would be, "I don't want another child."

If in you there is anything that desires to grow your family through adoption, don't let the cost hinder you. Email us. We will help walk you through some options and suggestions.  Who wouldn't want this to be a part of their lives:


  1. I have heard similar comments when talking to people about adopting, and I give a very similar response about the cost. I really wonder what these people think when they walk away! I only hope that it does make them think.

  2. Very well said. I am always shocked by the responses of some people to us as well. I don't guess they realize how they sound! Curiosity is one thing...tacklessness is another. I am praying that all of us with our beautiful gifts will have the right words to say to make the point and yet show the love of Jesus.

  3. Love it! I am going to "steal" some of your answers for when we get these types of questions about our daughter.

    Thank you!


  4. Loved walking into Bejoe and seeing that gorgeous smile staring at me from the computer screen. Did you know it is the screen saver??? So precious. Your texts always came at the perfectly appointed time!

    Can't wait to hear all about kamp. I have a gift for you from Solomon, one for Paula too. When can we meet?? I will mail these.


  5. Okay, I am totally going to MEMORIZE what you just wrote so that I can not just stand there dumbfounded the next time someone asks me something about where we "got" our daughter. GOOD STUFF. I'm thrilled that you had the forethought to be so articulate and set the record straight!!! Well done!

  6. awesome post. THANK YOU.
    We are still waiting for a referral but I will definitely be filing this one away for later!
    People can be unbelievable.

  7. Perfect! So well worded!!! My sisters 2 (adopted) kiddos look different from the rest of our family, too, and i LOVE the looks we get when they're with us in a store. It cracks me up to see the wheels turning in peoples' heads as they ponder "Did she have an affair?" or "Are they babysitting?".

    Good grief folks. Welcome to the 21st century. Adoption is a BEAUTIFUL way to add to your family!!!

  8. We actually received an even funnier comment while eating at the Landing in Branson before family kamp. A middle aged lady pointed at Mez and asked, "Whose is that?" (I suppose I don't need to point out the people there tend to be rather "sheltered".) I couldn't resist, so I innocently told her he was ours and dark skin was a recessive gene in our family. She grimiced and walked away. Too funny. The more unfortunate encounters are those that come from family and "like-minded" believers. I stand baffled.

  9. Love it - and hate it. My most favorite comment has been "What kind of baby is she?"

    I said, "Human."

    I understand that we are not your average family, but who is, really!?