“Am I always the atheist in Arms, me the believer who doesn’t believe?” Ann Voskamp questions. Whew, can I relate to that thought! The quiet of the phone lines (still NO word) regarding our adoption takes me back to my natural habitat, my natural posture, and my default system…anxiety. Please, don’t mistake me. I pray. I remember His mighty acts. I trust. I even speak it aloud; but while in my mind and daily practice I recall all God has done to bring us to our children in Ethiopia, all the confirmations, all the hurdles removed, still HERE and NOW I wake with aching jaws from clinching teeth through another night of “not knowing”, my back and shoulders boast the signs of stress related stiffness, and my brow’s constant furrow proves my practical belief wanes. Ugh, why must I, subconsciously, choose worry? It is a fruitless action. I am aware it’s only a sign that my belief is laced with doubts of Him. SO…we are taking up a daily practice of offsetting perturbation with joy and thanks. As we wait for word on our adoption, we choose to embrace these moments like manna from the Old Testament. Manna, his provision and opportunity to give thanks. We know thanksgiving will allow our gratitude to feed our trust in HIM.
Today, I am thankful that HE has given us another opportunity to exercise intentional gratitude as the proof that HE is a trustworthy God, who will complete what HE began. Scratch the believer who doesn’t believe. Exit atheist in His arm. Enter eucharisteo. Feel free to leave your thanksgiving here as an Ebenezer of His faithfulness (I Samuel).